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How to Break Up With Your Child Care Provider From that occasional babysitter to a full-time nanny, providers of childcare often seem quite indispensable to daily family operations. Sometimes, though, it’s just time to part ways due to lifestyle changes, budget cuts, disagreements, or anything else.
As with any breakup, there’s a right way and a wrong way to cut ties with your nanny or babysitter. “The key here is communication,” says Laura Schroeder, a full-time nanny based in Charleston, South Carolina, and president of the International Nanny Association.
Why Do Parents Sever Ties With Their Child Care Providers?
How to Break Up With Your Child Care Provider
Parents sever ties with the childcare provider due to several reasons. For example, they may no longer need the service when their kid begins going to daycare, preschool, or Kindergarten. On the contrary, as a result of changes in the nature and schedules of their jobs, they may need more hours than their current in-home childcare provider can provide. Then there are unlucky situations when the parents simply are not satisfied with the way the nanny or babysitter is performing. Some common conflicts that may arise and which may result in termination include:
- Issues with punctuality/absenteeism
- House rules—being ignorant of them
- No strong bond with the child
- Not engaging the child in developmentally appropriate play
- Crossing professional boundaries
- Failure to meet expectations or perform tasks
- Disagreement about screen time
No matter what the reason for the breakup is, before finally giving up, decide if there is still something that can be saved in this relationship. “I always tell parents to communicate any issues immediately and directly, along with a specific plan of action and a timeline to reevaluate progress,” says Erika Slade, founder of Oklahoma-based E-Nanny Co. “That way, parents will know that the feedback wasn’t only heard but internalized and improved upon. If you’re finding that you’re saying it and it’s going in one ear and out the other, then it’s time to move on.” Be sure to document these conversations through a paper trail that may come in handy during termination talks.
Tips for Ending the Relationship
While your family likely does not employ a human resources department, it does not mean you should be hiring and firing employees in a very unregulated manner. First, refer to the nanny employment agreement (if you have one) for handling any severance or termination details. This is also a good idea to check for employment laws in your state.
Since full-time and part-time child carers may be counting on the money that you provide, it is good to allow them time to set up their next move before they are left jobless. Slade recommends at least two weeks’ notice—or two weeks’ pay in lieu of notice, depending on what the breakup reason is.
He says if you’re moving or undergoing some type of lifestyle change, your childcare provider probably won’t be that surprised by your announcement that it’s time to split. But things get hairy when problems with the provider are what drove the breakup. “There’s a saying that goes, ‘Surprised people are angry people’,” says Slade. “If the parents have communicated poor performance and created a pathway for improvement, to no avail, then it should come less of a surprise when the position is ending—thus, hopefully, resulting in less pushback.”
Finding Another Child Care Provider
How to Break Up With Your Child Care Provider
Others prefer backup care in place. If you’ll need to hire a new provider to take the place of your old one, make full use of the interview process to help ensure you don’t land back in the same situation again. Don’t be afraid to ask potential caregivers specific questions that pertain to your concerns about punctuality, screen time, age-appropriate play, discipline, and household responsibilities.
In fact, it’s best to open the lines of communication from square one to promote a healthy working relationship moving forward. “It’s really important for parents and providers to communicate regularly—not only about the children but also the expectations and happiness of the parents and their employees,” says Schroeder.
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Helping Your Child Move On
How to Break Up With Your Child Care Provider
This means being honest with the child, but the conversation should be developmentally appropriate. “If they are younger, less is more,” says Slade. “If your child is older, then you can have a more authentic conversation.” Some parents prefer to have this conversation in private with the child; others also bring in a nanny or babysitter.
Think about what that could do to a child’s feelings, since this may be a huge transitional period in their lives. “Children are resilient, but these changes are still tough on them,” says Schroeder. Unless it would be a danger to your child, “give your nanny and the children a chance for closure.” She suggests allowing them to have a few special experiences together in the last couple of weeks—baking cookies together, watching favorite movies, or holding a going-away party, perhaps. Kids can also create a present for their childcare provider.
You can reassure them that it’s not their fault if they believe it is due to something they did. This in particular would apply more if they were very attached to the nanny or babysitter. Also, remember that your child may want to stay in touch with his or her provider in the future. You can, if you want, brainstorm ideas on both ends of how to do it.
